An Orgy of Choice

In my previous blog it was all about Julian and his very lovely rugby bottom...tehe. 

Firstly, let's turn our eyes to my Cockney Copper (contestant 1). 


He's lovely and thoughtful, and drove 4 hours North just to chat and watch films and be in my company. Yes, it may well have resulted in having, in what can only be described as, a rather inexperienced roll around but it was the thought that counted. The last time I saw him he was a lot slimmer, and had a lot more confidence. 


OK, so he has bulked out a bit (as a woman who expects men to be enamoured with me, size 0 or 20 I should not judge) and he doesn't hold his head as highly...he still makes me laugh, a lot. But there just isn't as much chemistry there as I remember. Maybe it was just my 18 year old self wanting there to be, or maybe I was just comparing him to Julian far too much (hard not to, when he completely blew me away)!! 


Overall, we had a great evening, and then next day, eating my legendary chilli and catching up. Potential for more...watch this space. 


Now, on to my Stalker (contestant 3). This guy had shown some potential to be a bit of naughty fun...turns out he is what I would like to consider a sex addict!! Stalkers' stalker like tendencies had calmed down a bit as I gave him a bit of the old cold shoulder after I'd told him straight he needed to pipe down if he wanted even a sniff of a rendezvous. Thankfully, he did...but to be honest he turned out to be a bit dull without the naughtiness. 


Anywho, I was out for a VERY drunken night with my girls last Saturday when he called me. He was on his way back from a day trip to France with his school (and yes, he is a teacher there, not a pupil). The long and short of it all is that he ended up picking me and Keira after she'd had suffered some major drama with her live-in girlfriend Rae about smoking a cigarette. 


He ended up back at mine and naughty self came back out of the box...now this guy was pretty good with his hands but there was nothing else to write home about. And without sounding too crass, all he wanted to do was to "get his end away". I'm pretty sure there is also somewhere that says you shouldn't sleep with your stalker. Well, why has no one shown me this?! He text me 5 times last night because I hadn't replied and rang me 3 times during the night!! 


I don't half know how to pick 'em, do I?! 


Needless to say, I don't think that I'm going to see him again...not for his want of trying though!!


And what about the rest of the rabble I hear you cry...




...Well, there's my friend Tim, from Lancaster, who told me he loved me over text on a drunken night but then repeated it again whilst sober the next day. 


Then there's a friend of a friend, Riley, who plays guitar beautifully and I am supposedly going to see tomorrow, also in Lancaster. Twist here is that he works with Tim and was sat next to him on the above said drunken night when he also said he fancied me. Great. 


Thirdly, again in Lancaster, is old fuck buddy. He is supposedly bringing me home from my Lancaster adventure on Wednesday...


And finally, yes there is another, is Nate. A 40 year old pilot whom I work with. He has 5 kids and is currently going through a divorce as well as a break up from a girlfriend he had during, and post, marriage. Two words: messy and baggage. I think I need to stay well clear. 


Oh, and there was sadly not a reappearance of Julian this weekend as he has got himself a girlfriend...fast mover hey?! 


If you can keep up with the above, I am going to be very impressed, because I cannot. And more than a few are going to have to go. Julian is naturally out, Stalker definitely is and I reckon Nate probably should be as well. 


What on earth have I got myself into?! 


I shall update you on the three Lancaster lads when I come back later in the week.


Until then, Alice has definitely fallen through the looking glass...










ps. the Mad Hatter's Birthday Tea Party for my big sister went excellently!! I was a huge success!! Maybe I should be a party planner. 

And the results are in...

Well, well, well. 


Here's goes the explanation of how my first of three rendezvous' went with three (of a few) men currently in my life...


...to see a brief description of them see: Rebound Choices. 


Anywho...


...Julian was my contestant number 2!! To put it in his words we have "amazing chemistry". 
It's true. I have never had a session like that with anyone for years!! We literally couldn't keep our hands off one another. He picked me up and carried me around that room like I was as light as a feather!! He was exactly what the doctor ordered...someone to take control and know, with his amount of experience, what every single kiss and touch would make me feel. 


To add to all of this, he is quite simply an awesome guy: artistic (see photo above; yes I took it but he had his gorgeous camera with him too, snapping away), caring, attentive and intelligent. I could go on. He can be a very misunderstood young man, but is all of the above and much more. It's nice to know we can get on so well and have such an amazing time together too.


Due to the past we shared, it was needed to have a catch up before anything happened. Last time I saw him it wasn't my proudest moment. Basically, Julian got caught up between me and ex-boyfriend. At the time I was choosing between ex-boyfriend and being single. Julian seemed to have got the impression I was choosing between him and ex-boyfriend. Eeek. 


Not so. So, whilst I went back to ex-boyfriend, Julian made out he was an awful guy. So after clearing up exactly what went down 2 years ago, we carried on the drinking and fell into his bed. Hehe.


Well, that's enough for now. Might be seeing him this weekend for my sisters' party, but I doubt it somehow. 


Contestants number 1 and 3 both included naughtiness...need to get my naughty self back in the box for Christmas me thinks...

Rebound Choices...

So, my last blog was a bit wallow-ey wasn't it?! Sorry about that!!


But I'm near enough back to my fantastic witty self (except for still smoking the Richmond Menthol!!) 


So in an attempt to jump back on the single girl band wagon I have got a couple options for my rebound...


Contestant Number 1: I scored myself a hot date for next Friday with a guy who's a PCSO in London. He's a funny flirty guy but we had a little fling back when I was 18. To put it bluntly he didn't know the difference between my clit and my tit. So we shall see if his charm alone will suffice for the time being...but I don't think I'll be jumping between the sheets with him.


Contestant Number 2: However, I am off back to my uni town of Ormskirk to stay with a friend who is very good between the sheets...but we're just going to go for a drink and watch some films...also saying this I don't think we ever made it through a full film together back in my uni days...


And finally, Contestant Number 3: A random guy I met in a pub last Friday who I had no idea I was flirting with until he asked for my number (ah the joys of being so fabulous). Thanks to the wonderful invention of texting I found out he's a bit of a perv though and whilst I slept last night I had 4 texts off him and a missed call. Hm. Stalker like behaviour. But on the plus side he was really cute and quite intelligent. 




So...three very different men. Two from the past (in my books I need that comfortable stage already for a rebound) and one brand spanking new one. 


Well we'll see how Contestant Number 2 bares up tonight!! 

Through the Looking Glass

I'm organising my sisters' birthday party on the 18th of December. I'm doing a Mad Hatter's Tea Party with her starring as the Mad Hatter.

I'm going as Alice and right now I feel like I have fallen through the looking glass. 

How things have turned on their head since I last blogged. 


Short story: Mr Sheffield and I have broken up. He couldn't cope not seeing me; by his facebook statues "painting the town red" making me feel like UTTER shit.


It hurts a lot right now. And is compounded entirely by the fact that I have sore boobs and have a bad case of PMT. 


I was being all strong by getting on with it and being "well at least I can go travelling now, without feeling guilty". But today, I want to curl up in a ball and sob my little heart out. 


I will, at some point probably go into great detail of how all of this occurred, but right now I just want to wallow and be pissed off. 


All his music is on my phone and computer; all the memories (whilst awesome) still very fresh; and I still have his hoody and some of his socks. 


My girl friends keep telling me he's handled it like a shit, my boy mates telling me it was the 3 month turning point. Whatever.


For me, having a boyfriend doesn't usually last this short amount of time. So it came like a rug being pulled from under me. I'm not used to committing unless I think it is something that I think will last, so this is all new to me. 


No idea how to handle this. 


How I have done so far: smoked almost 30 Richmond Menthol in less than a week (I don't actually smoke, so I don't know where this has come from), go to Lancaster to stay with friends, and go on a long walk and have to avoid a kiss (only because it's still so fresh) with my friend and old fuck buddy. 


Any other ideas on how I can make this little heart of mine feel any better would be muchly appreciated.


OK, rant over. 


Got to stop the smoking, it's the dirtiest habit of all time (well maybe not quite, but close) and need to focus on spending time with my friends as much as possible. 


Positive positive positive.


This will stop hurting soon, I know because I've been through much more. 

"Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?!"

You enjoy my singing?! You're going to have the song in your head all day!!


So, 3 months in and my romance with Mr Sheffield is going awesomely. He has continued to make me laugh every day (and scream louder than ever!!) and make me fall head over heels for him :)


But I guess now I am with him, it has made me ask myself why I stayed with someone for so long that made me so unhappy. And also why we go for the wrong people, time and time again. 


Take, Rugby Boy. Him and I were "seeing" each other when the ex-boyfriend decided to tell me one Valentine's that I wasn't actually his girlfriend. Rugby Boy and I hooked up a week later on a joint social. I knew his rep wasn't the best, turned out to be worse than expected too as he'd slept with a crazy amount of both girls and guys. Despite this, I went back several times. Worse still, I ended up back with the ex-boyfriend. But who was the better of the two? I mean, yes, Rugby Boy did have an awful rep but we had fun. With ex-b, it was nearly always heart break central. On reflection then, I went back to the bad. 


Then there's my friend Lexie. She has a major thing for pilots. Now, don't get me wrong, some pilots are lovely and down to earth, but for the majority they know everyone's checking them out and they bask in every eyelash fluttering. This spells bad news right away!!


When I met Lexie she was totally in love (and in denial about it) with Mr Pilot. He, however, had other ideas. With some serious support she managed to walk away after 18 long months. But now, after 6 months of being good, she's back to square one. And yet again, he has a girlfriend. Oh did I not mention that? Yeah he always has a girlfriend, therefore Lexie is always the other woman. Not my cup of tea but some women don't mind playing second fiddle. That's besides the point. She still keeps going back - but why?


I mean, Far Away Boy - I knew how screwed up he was but I just kept going there. 


And take my friend Jack: he keeps sleeping with his ex because she sends him dirty picture messages whilst he's on his way to pick up his 2 year old!! This is despite her seeing someone else, and telling him in great colour and animation every detail of their relationship!!


I mean, men and women, we always go back to the ones we know are bad. 


Is this because it's comfortable, even though we know it will mean hurt and heart break? Is one night of passion worth all the shit that comes afterwards? 
Is there a rush because you know it's bad? Does it make the sex better? Or are we all just a bit bad deep down? 


The only thing I know is, it doesn't matter how hard you try, you will just keep going back until you find someone to move on with. I guess even then, you end up reminiscing. 

Excuses excuses: Mr Sheffield

So, I'm back!! 


I am quite aware that I have been away for a little over 2 months...and for that, I am truly sorry. Although I do have a couple of pretty good reason for that, at least I think so. 


So, number one, I have gone and sold out and got me a pretty hot boy to tag along with for the time being :)


He's 23, blue/grey eyed, tall, handsome, ridiculously sarcastic, makes me smile on a daily basis and seems to think that I'm pretty gorgeous, even on the post-drinking mornings. 


We have been seeing each other, yes you guessed it, about 2months. So, yet again, yes, that is the reason I've not been blogging. Bad excuse really, especially when I usually just blog about my love life!! 


My excuse for not telling you sooner is that I have been ridiculously busy at work with it being peak season in full swing. 


But as the season is easing off with a mere TWO flights on a Wednesday I remembered about my little blog that I had left to wilt in the summer sun and then get pissed on in the September rain.


Therefore, I am going to nurture you back to health little blog, and I promise not to let the frost get you over the big freeze of Halloween, Bonfire Night and Christmas. 


So, my guy.


Yes, for those of you out there that pay any attention to me, I did meet him on a dating website, But no, he is not deranged, crazy, obsessive, a sex addict, alcoholic, psychotic killer...well he hasn't shown any tendencies towards any of these attributes just yet anyway! Ha!


When I joined my chosen dating hub, I genuinely just wanted to explore the possibilities of dates, I was not expecting to find anyone quite like Mr Sheffield; and I definitely did not expect to fall for him!!


I should've realised after date one when he had leant over to kiss me only an hour in, we'd eaten risotto and mussles and then stayed up all night drinking tea and talking that this was going to be something to write home about. But the truth is, it just kept on getting better. 


He took me to Scarborough for the day where we ate fish and chips and played on the 2p machines for hours (you should've seen the booty we came home with!!). But the basis of our relationship focuses around cooking together and then eating and having sex, and I love it. It's passionate and lovely. 


We have both had our moments of "this is going way too fast" but have both actually embraced it and are now just enjoying being with someone chilled out and fun. 


So, to conclude, I am riding the wave that is me and Mr Sheffield for however long it lasts, and savouring every moment.

Rules of Dating

So, I have joined a dating website as stated in Holiday Revelations Part Dos. 

Plentyoffish.com (a Fishy favourite). 

Now, I've never done this sort of thing before but it's going OK I guess. 

I have dozens of emails, mainly consisting of "hi how r u", "u r gawjus" and "hi sexy got msn?". I suppose, at least the last one has got some punctuation in there. The worst, by far, has to be from someone called Fowler 11 which says, quite simply "hey fancy a shag? x".

Now, dear readers, I would like you to consider this: in what world is asking someone if they want a shag over email, without having a drunken conversation or behest me for saying so even meeting, alright?!!

I just need to clarify that I am no snob, but I would quite like a man who knows how to use the English language and whose first line does not have a shag in it!!

I have had a few interesting emails though. The best one has to be from a guy who we shall call Eclipse (it makes sense to me) who albeit a little older than I ever anticipated (37), he's pretty creative and certainly knows how to keep me entertained over the email. I don't know whether we will ever meet up because I think that the age difference could be an issue. He does look pretty good for 37 though!!

I have even been on a date! A coffee date but still with promises of going to Salsa on Wednesday. This guy (who shall be know as ScienceBoy) is cute but is in definite need of a hair cut. There shall be no talk of kissing until there has been some scissors near those locks. I am a snob aren't I?! Plus he's a little too keen, and a bit confused. We'll see, it's just dancing right?

But the point of this post is to understand whether there is a need for dating rules and because of my serious lack of actual dates in my short 23 years due to friends becoming boyfriends, I don't know the first real thing about dating etiquette. 

I don't really do rules very well when it comes to men or social situations, I am who I am. 

But still, maybe I need some direction from my fellow bloggers as to what I should do, or not as the case may be. Or whether I should just jump on the giant rule book and throw the bastard out the window.

Help, anyone?

Holiday Revelations: Part Dos

My amazingly good mind powers were working a treat as we sped over the run way and into the city. Jumping off the bus, still freaking out, we hot footed it up the 72 steps and into our building. Just as I pull out my phone to look at my newest text he bursts through the door. Cock. Bastard. Shit. 

Ok, number 1. I do not want to EVER see an ex, recent or not, being sweaty and travel worn. 

Number 2. Seriously what the buggery is he playing at?!

Luckily, at this precise moment my mother chooses to unlock the door to the flat. What was waiting inside can only be described as a small lake and a lot of ceiling on the floor. Apparently someone up there was looking down and saw we needed a massive distraction. Thank you (I did go to two cathedrals following this, to thank him in person). 


So, what followed was a mass clean up and a trip to the rates office. Far Away Boy decided it was an awesome idea to come with me. I was highly unamused at this prospect as I'm sure you'll appreciate. I still couldn't even look at him, let alone talk in his direction.


Off we trotted, hot and bothered and still with my skinnies and flight socks on (I have never felt more unattractive). 


I came right out with it...why had he come? 


Wait for it...to be friendly. Couldn't he be friendly????


Short answer: NO!!


I warmed up a bit for the sake of my own sanity but didn't really give much off in the way of this-is-totally-ok-for-you-to-turn-up-to-the-airport-like-this. However, this apparently meant he could flirt with me. 


Now, I may well have warmed up but I did not give him the ok to flirt and be all touchy feely. Definitely NOT ok. I made excuses that I was sweaty. And with each tickley poke I got more and more confused.


When he finally left I was still in sheer shock. However, I felt relieved that it was over. I didn't have anything else left to dread. 


That was, of course until he came to my beach. 


Before you ask, no this beach does not have my name on it (the sea has a tendency to wash it away no matter how many times I write it) and no I cannot purchase it. Shame, really.


But, Far Away Boy does not, and never has in his adult life ever gone to this beach.


So, when we bumped into him in the bar with scratches down his chest and hickies all over his neck, I was less than amused. 


I clearly also have developed a tendency to blurt out questions when I'm in shock. Like, why have you come to this beach, you never do!!


His answer was gesticulating towards the girl he was with.


Of course. Yes. 


My mother, in her most kindest of ways trying to defuse the situation as I had lost the power of my voice and the inability to look above knee level, asked what he'd done to himself. Brilliant. He came up with a very imaginative story of diving into the sea. Ha.


I removed myself from the situation, pulled down my sunglasses and had a little cry with some 7UP and my Mummy.


I was in utter shock. He made no sense. Well he hadn't made sense. The message was now loud and clear.


So, after an emotional couple of days I woke up on Friday feeling pretty good about it. I was well shot of him. I mean, if he is immature enough to be OK with hickies, I am not down with that!! Also, mother found out the girl he's dating is 18. Emotional immaturity is all I'm saying right now!!


There we have it, then. 


The reason I have managed to get to the ahhh single stage a week after this melodrama. 


I have decided I am more than ready for some actually new men, no one from the past and someone I can have fun with without feeling the need to save them from themselves :) 


I've even joined an online dating thing...here come the boysssssss!!

Holiday Revelations

Taking a sip of my tall mug of English tea, standing in my underwear in my sister's kitchen, I sigh "Ah, single."

I've not really had chance to breathe since I came back from Gibraltar and my new episode with Far Away Boy.

I guess I should go on to explain how I came to be sighing a sigh of relief of having a very muchly patched up heart and a soul that is now back from rehab.

In May, I shared a drunken phone call with Far Away Boy, in which he proceeded to tell me that he loved me and wanted to see me when I was in Gib over the summer.  As the conversation drew to a close he promised me he would call two days later when it wasn't 3am. I made it quite clear that if he wasn't really going to call to please not tell me he was. Repeatedly he ensured me he would, he'd missed me so of course he would. 

Sunday came and went with no phone call, and only a text (that I sent) saying "I really thought you'd call this time". With this, Far Away Boy (I considered shortening his name to FAB but for obvious reasons this is not a good acronym) he took it upon himself to cut me out of his life, again. 

With two weeks to go before I jumped on that plane with Mummy dearest he decides to plaster all over Facebook that he likes someone else. How considerate. 

So, with a heavy heart and a nervous stomach, a fortnight later I am on my way. 

With plans of resolutions and street ignoring set into place on the flight, I step out into the sunshine and board the bus to our flat. 

Then, with one unfortunate look to my left, the wind has been knocked out of me and I can barely utter a word. 

Walking across the road towards the airport entrance is non other than Far Away Boy. 

All plans of any ignoring and the lists of resolutions melt away as I stutter a text to confirm if this is purely a figment of my imagination. He's supposed to be in Japan!! He's not even supposed to be back on the Rock until Monday!! Brilliant. 

As we drive off, me in almost hyper-ventilating and Mum telling me I must of been hallucinating, I am in utter shock and the only question that keeps running through my head is - what does he want from me?!

Wish upon a plane...

Do you think that if I wished hard enough on the next shooting star, or aircraft taking off seen as that is more likely, I could find a Fairy Godmother with the wit of Jennifer Saunders rolled into Alan Partridge and the wish capability of the Genie from Aladdin???

 I don't want much, just a small romantic gesture to help me get over the fact that in just over 2 weeks I am going on holiday to a place where a boy (see Three Men, a Lady, and a Highland Cattle Card and The Return of Far Away Boy)  who I am quite possibly always going to be in love with, lives.

To be more precise, a distraction, is what I need; in the form of a single datable man.

Therefore, if anyone knows of any reasonably priced magical creatures that can perform wishes or requests please don't hesitate to get in touch. 

Also, if you consider yourself one of the above, I'm waiting...

A Little Too Close to Home

As a 22 year old, I have begun to understand my heart can be a little fickle at times. I flit from flirtation to fling in the time it takes for me to write a text message (I have the fastest fingers West of the States) and often exchange plenty of eyelash batting and humorous banter with a couple guys at the same time. 

Therefore,  I should not be surprised nor annoyed when a green eyed and dark haired young man does the same.  

Daniel is a tall,  handsome, sarcastic, funny and flirty guy. He is what I would describe as my type.  He can be a bit moody but with one smile from me he tends to change his tune. I quite like having that effect on a man; I'm sure most women do. 

However, there is a teensy weensy problem...he's a bit of a womanizer. Majorly. He casually informed me he had slept with someone he works with right after he'd engaged me in some fresh flirting. This confused me as I couldn't understand why he was telling me.  

Later on, he then said he regretted it. Even more confusing. 

My friend suggested that perhaps he was letting  me know he was available...odd way of showing me don't you think??

Anywho, to the climax of my story. I forgot about this whole admission of sleeping with a colleague and we carried on the shameless-in-front-of-colleagues-flirting. 

That was until I was walking to catch my bus a week later and saw them having coffee together...so much for regrets. It threw me completely as this was the moment I realised I quite fancied him. Damn it. 

I was annoyed at myself for falling for his spiel about regretting it. 


I don't usually let myself fall into the trap of men who like many a woman at once. I was going to put that I suppose you meet a different kind of man at an airport, but in this case I suppose he is too much like me for me to stick around. It was kind of like looking in a mirror...


So, for now. I am going to put my crush on Daniel the womanizer flirter to bed and keep my eye out for a dishy pilot...or two!!

Bus Boy

Ah so, Friday night arrives with 4 shifts worth of nights looming and I decide it is a good time to go out into the Northen Quarter and drink Rum.

The Rum (mostly Sailor Jerry's) was good, the company (housemate's twin Riley) was good  and the Northern Quarter (TV 21's, Keko Moku and Trof - we didn't get far) were also pretty awesome.

Even the random Torie boy who I made out with in toilets was pretty hot. I love a bit of drunken making out. But this is where I hit a brick wall. 

He had a girlfriend.  That would normally be fine, had a I not just made out with him.

So at this point I decided it was time to head home seen as Riley had long since gone and I didn't really want anything more than a making out on my conscience.

And so, after I declined my Torie boy's offer of a taxi, I made my way to Picadilly to catch the 192 back home.

I jumped on with the regular crowds of crazies that the 192 bus journey attracts, not just at 2am but any time of day.

I got comfortable towards the back of the bus next to a window and waited for the bus driver to make his way down the A6. 

Now, usually on the 192 you hope that no one ever sits down next to you. On this occassion a rather dashing you man got on and looked around, deciding I must have been the better of all evils. I was pleasantly pleased with myself seen as normally no one hot ever sits next to me on any kind of public transport.

As the bus pulled out of Picadilly Gardens, for whatever reason (the copious amounts of Sailor Jerry's may have had something to do with it. Well a lot to do with it) I struck up a conversation with this lovely guy. Now it is all a bit of a haze due to my Coke and Rum habit, but we laughed and talked all the way to Stockport. Polo's were shared and Crunchie Clusters were offered. Sideways glances with eyes meeting also occurred, and not in a "you're crazy" kind of a way.

For once, I couldn't believe I was flirting and having a normal conversation with what resembled a vaguely sane person on the 192. 

I was getting to my stop when I missed it because I asked if his girlfriend would mind if we swapped numbers. He said his girlfriend probably would mind.

Now, in hindsight, this is the moment where I should have asked if he would mind.

But, I didn't. Now Kate over at Perfect Ten asked if anyone had one of those totally unbelievably regrettable moments where you wanted to turn back time and re-do just a few minutes relating to matters of the heart. Well, this is mine. 

Bus boy was gorgeous, beer goggles or not. He was funny and intellecual and had a great job (he is a lawyer).

The next morning I questioned why I had got off that bus. Pretty much the only reason was that I had to pee and Hazel Grove was much to far to walk back to my house at almost 3am. 

The thing is, girlfriend or not, I will probably never see him again, well without going all crazy and putting up posters about him anyway!!!  

Oh well, the only thing I can do is hope that maybe I will bump into him on a 192 bus journey again...

Day Date

So, I went on a first date today for ice cream. Sounds romantic right? Wrong. 

It was weird and awkward. 

It was with a guy from work who is so funny and flirty and full of banter on a usual day, but just did not live up to expectations. 

He also turned out to be a little too nice. And not as much fun outside of work.

Just the phrase "Day Date" doesn't bode well if it is the first date. 

 And here are the following reasons:

1. There is no romantic or dim lighting to ensure you both look beautiful

2. No alcohol involved to loosen minds or limbs

3. Conversation can lull and one, or both, parties feel the need to talk. This annoys me.

4. There's not really any excuse to leave early, ie. No last train or bus to catch

5. You gradually change your mind about your date and find yourself dropping big hints as to the level of your future relationship

6. You have to find numerous things to do as one is quite simply not enough, apparently chatting in the sunshine is not enough

7. Your date may think it is OK to wear shorts. It.is.never.OK.to.wear.shorts.on.a.first.date.EVER.

8. You may find that your date isn't as open to different experiences, ie. a Chinese bakery, as they have made out to be

9. Your date may end with you fancying this person less than when you first met them. Oh dear.

10. You find the you pick out all the bad things straight away, Oh dear indeed. 

And that is all for now...any more input on why we don't do Day Dates would be well received.

Reminder to self. be wary of first dates that happen during the day. Not a great start.

The Return of Far Away Boy

It would seem that cupid is playing with my heart again by throwing my Far Away Boy back into the mix.

And, to be honest, I couldn't be happier. Well, I could, because he could be "lives-close-by-boy" instead.

Anywho...I managed to wangle a few days off at work as there were no planes going anywhere thanks to that delightful Volcano whatsitmacalled in Iceland.

(Please do not get me started on Mr Ash Cloud. If he returns I shall personally purchase a giant size hairdryer and attempt to blow it right away!!)

So, I thought a nice trip up North to Scottie Land to see my parents would be a good plan. Ah yes, fresh air, dog walking, home cooked food and of course the good excuse that is was my Mothers birthday.

So I boarded my train and headed for the borders.

Of course I had the usual crazy drunken lady chatting away, so much so that I let my English-ness take over and I moved seats...so rude I know!

A few days of drinking wine, watching tv and being chased by the killer sheep (they follow you around expecting food and they just stand there, around 50 of them, and bleat whilst watching you like a pack of wolves not bloody sheep!!) whilst walking the dogs passed and I decided to grace MSN with my presence.

I was still hyped up on my return as this was the last "place" I spoke to my Far Away Boy. It was like returning to the scene of a crime.

After 5 or so minutes his name popped up. Set to Away.

I decided to say Hi.

No reply.

Still no reply when I went out for lunch with Mummy dearest.

Several hours later, after some wine and a beer or two I went back on.

He'd replied.

I got cut off.

Shit shit shit.

My heart was practically climbing out of my chest and my stomach was churning the chillie and wine round and round willing the internet to reconnect with all my might.

Bing.

Back on. Yes.

FarAwayBoy: "Did you get my message earlier?"

Me: "Nope"

FarAwayBoy: "OK, I'll send it again." ...

I cannot, for the life of me, go through every line.

Basically, all you need to know is that he still hearts me :)

He told me he is very sorry for not being in contact and that it is to do with his work (he's a police officer) which is why he pushed me away. A superior at work is putting immense pressure on him and he's considering quitting. I instantly wanted to protect him and be there for him. But I can't.

I'm here, and he's there. This sucks.

He also told me he couldn't cope with both things at the time, or now, so it would seem whilst he still "hearts" me he still can't be mine.

So, although he used the phrases "all those feelings are still there" and "I wish I'd never left you that week", he's still not here.

I am seeing the world through lovely pink lenses again despite having not spoken again.

I'm trying very hard, again, not to email/text but my veins are full of butterflies and all I want to do is fly out and see him.

Any ideas how to get him to come 2000 miles to be my "here-right-now-boy" would be much appreciated!!

Confessions

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

I slept with my ex-boyfriend today because I have no will power.

Ok, so it's not quite worthy of hail-mary's (well not in my book) but still. My determination to make our post-relationship friendship stay friendship hasn't quite stayed on the straight and narrow.

After not seeing him for a good couple of weeks we decided to meet up or lunch and a bit of Orange Wednesday in Didsbury. It was all going well with lunch in Art of Tea (anyone in the Manchester area has to go here - it can only be described as books and tea heaven!!) with our friend Jake.

That was until he decided to remind me en-route to the cinema that it was 3 years to the day since we first started sleeping together. This may sound much more creepy than it actually is!! It was after our friend's 21st birthday party that we finally got it together; which was the 14th.

So all my memories of the good times we shared being mischievous and hiding our relationship from all our friends came flooding back like the flood Noah built his Ark for.

I had actually prepared not to be naughty. I had my terribly day-to-day undies on, unshaven stubbly legs, and only applying the minimal amount of mascara and lip gloss.

Can't believe I actually thought this would be a deterrent!! It wasn't like he was a new man in my life - this was how he liked me best. Damn it.

Pushing these thoughts to the back of my mind, we made our way into see Alice in 3D with Jake. Which is sheer escapism genius by the by.

With Jake making his way back home, we decided to go for a carvery to extend our day and catch up just us. Only it didn't stop here, did it. He reached over in the pub and kissed my neck and said "It's just for old times sake!"

Damn damn damn.

I have no will power.

He looks hot in that shirt.

Damn damn damn.

End up driving back to mine for a "brew".

Damn damn damn.

I'm not driving so it's technically not me in control...right?!

The brew leads to my room, and before I know it the Glee soundtrack has run out and we have no clothes on.

Damn damn damn.

We've said that that's it; full-circle and that's it for sexy-times.






Well, maybe until the next "anniversary" crops up!!

Alzeimer Passengers and the Importance of Polo Mints

Survival tips for a 10 hour night shift at the Airport:

1. Ensure you drink plenty of caffeine in either coffee or fizzy stimulation form

2. Be prepared to chat utter bullshit to crazy old ladies who have no idea what country they are in, let alone in an airport

3. Understand that you will laugh hysterically at nothing whatsoever due to sleep deprivation

4. Bring some light reading, such as Chat, to read about insane unimaginable people and events

5. Don't get over-excited about the possibility of meeting your all time favourite football player as you will just be disappointed

6. But always carry Polo mints with you, just in case

7. When it gets to 4 o'clock in the morning and your boss comes in, never be shy to flirt a little in order to clock off early, there's no shame in it!

8. Whilst rearranging the check-in hall take your high heels off, if you don't your blisters will just get worse, plus there's only crazy ladies and sleeping travelers around at 12am to get a whiff of your smelly shoes

9. Hold on to the fact that as you are leaving work at 5am the rest of your colleagues are just starting, there is some satisfaction in that

10. And finally, always remember that Spar in Terminal 3 is open 24 hours a day!!

Big Guns and Pencil Skirts

So, it's been a hectic couple of weeks!!

At the risk of sounding terribly cheesy I never thought changing jobs and meeting so many new people would make me so happy!!!

I mean I get up at 3am some mornings to deal with stroppy passengers and yet I still have a smile on my face. A smile that somehow shines through despite the inch thick of make up and red lipstick!!

Also, there are the hot pilots. Mmm. Can't help it, just something about their cocky swagger and sexy uniform that sends a thrill down my spine.

The airport police too with their big guns and cute little hats...

Ah, the life of a single girl!!

There's just a constant buzz in an airport because it's like a challenge to get the aircraft pushed back on time.

Oh and don't we all look like sex pots in our pencil skirts and red tops, especially when we add the high vis vest to go on to the apron.

I have learnt a great deal though...I now know my phonetic alphabet which my 87 year old Papa seemed to be reasonably proud of. Then again he is deaf so not sure he heard what I said!!

The only down side to this job would be the difficulty of getting to sleep as early as 7 o'clock and then resisting a nap when I come back from a shift!!

Like I said though, I have a plethora of men to ogle and always someone to make me laugh, so can't really complain!!

Might try a double whammy of wine and an anti-histamine tonight, then again, might be risking my life doing that!!

Yellow Y-Fronts and Red Lipstick

I have three major events due to happen in my life this weekend, the first being I will finish working for my slave driver of a pharmaceutical giant company and the second is that I will start working at Manchester Airport...

...and the third?

Choosing my obligatory red lipstick for my new position at the airport!!

How on earth does a girl choose this???

Don't get me wrong, I like my make up. But I'm more of a Barry M-purple-glitter-pot-girl than a glammed-up-red-lipstick-type.

I also need to find some kind of red or navy scruncy effort. Yeah, I know, so 80's right??!! Either that or red ribbon!! I feel like I'm going back to school!

That's the least of my problems though. I have to find a way to put up with ridiculous hour shifts and having to bike there due to my lack of a driver's license. How am I supposed to go from bedraggled biker to perfectly put together PSA??!!

Oh, almost forgot. Went to Liverpool for an awesome Hen weekend and dressed up as Circus theme...brilliant! The hen was a multi-coloured clown, it was sheer genius.

I, on the other hand, went as a snake dancer.

It would seem that snake dancing appeals to many men. Especially the Irish.

Several men attempted to snog the poor soft snake around my neck but when I asked them not to do that a couple, much to my horror, actually tried to stick their tongues down my throat!! I had to literally duck out of their way to avoid their wet mouths. Euch.

To add to that we seemed to adopt a group of male It'tai's (Italians) in our hostel.

They thought banging on our door in their yellow y-fronts and asking for a hairdryer first thing in the morning was sexy. We didn't have neither the heart nor the Italian to tell them otherwise. Even when these so called sexy pants turned up later being swung around the culprits head.

Oh dear.

Fun weekend had by all though!!

So, a quieter weekend ahead although much cheaper and a lot more life changing...

...any suggestions for my commute and the glamming up after it would be much appreciated :)

Emotional Myriad

Rich golden envy,
Beautiful saffron burning eyes.
Silky azure touches,
Scorching ashen faces.

Doorstep Surprises

In recent day dreaming fantasies I have imagined myself coming home on a cold rainy Manchester evening to find my far away boy on my doorstep with a big smile and declarations of love.

Alas, every day since I sent my Highland Cattle card he has not been there.

Oh well, I sigh.

Every time questioning how long it takes for a card to get to this far away place (2000 miles if you were wondering). I think about our shitty postal service and just hope he hasn't got it yet and that is the reason I haven't heard even a peep of recognition.

Unlikely, I know, but a girl can dream (or be deluded).

So, today, note my surprise when I came home to a long-since promised parcel from my friend Lucie.

I ripped it open to find an "I <3 SF" t-shirt and a whole hoard of Ghirardelli chocolates!!

Awesome!!

So, although I did not find my far away boy, I did get a new sleep t-shirt and many a taste explosion in bite size quantities.

Oh, I almost forgot.

I have managed to quit that nightmarish job at the pharmacy and bag myself a nice little number on the check in for a budget airline at Manchester Airport!!

See, good thing's do come to those who wait...

...keep your fingers crossed that my next thing is far away boy!!

Three Men, a Lady and a Highland Cattle Card

It would seem that one can have too much of a good thing...men!!

I have managed over the last month to gain, and lose, and gain again, precisely 3 men.

1. Old friend turned fuck buddy.

2. Blue eyes (drunken snog plus lots of texting)

3. My best friend and ex boyfriend

Ok, so number 1. Well it would seem I have gained our very sexual relationship back again...not sure why. He's not seeing this other girl but it seems fun. However, won't be overly bothered if we lose it again.

Number 2. Very drunken snog turned into a date (supposedly tonight) but when I ran into him on Saturday night whilst out with my brothers, never a good combination, turns out I have too much baggage for one week (my big brother got kicked out of a bar and so the rest follows...) and so he cancelled our date. I didn't want a full blown relationship, I just wanted to snog him again! Ha, oh well.

Then, finally, number 3. Not much I can say, other than that I need to stop making out with him if we are to make any move towards the good old friendship zone. I just can't help it. It's so comfortable. But I know we'll end up with broken hearts again.

Oddly enough, throughout all of this gaining and losing, gaining and losing, I realised I don't really want any of them. I want my far away boy who, thanks to my 19 year old brother have noticed I am actually in love with.

I think about him everyday and have been chasing boys I don't particular want as I want a distraction.

What's my plan of action I hear you cry??

I have written him a card with a highland cattle on the front (don't want any lovey dovey stuff) which, quite simply, tells him I'm in love with him. Don't know whether I'll even get a response, but I need to get it off my chest because I'm too much of a romantic just to walk away...even if it has been 6 weeks since we spoke.

Wish me luck at my last ditch attempt to get back the boy I actually want!! I'm not holding out much hope, but there is a little tiny glimmer there...

...if all else fails I might just get a puppy!!!

Beautifully Weird

So...the boy I picked up.

Well, turns out we had the most awesome laughter and sex filled weekend ever!! We watched films snuggled up and we had neighbour-complaint worthy sex and lots of pillow talk...sounds pretty good huh?

Fat chance.

He came over Sunday: awesome!! Monday: he traveled to his friend's party in Sheffield. Monday 2:30am (bear in mind I haven't been sleeping because of the elbow): I just snogged my friend's sister - like 20 times. WHAT?!

So, OK we're only just seeing each other. Therefore, in my books anyway, a drunken snog is fine. However, texting the person you are seeing that you just snogged someone (which apparently you have fancied for years) at 2:30 in the morning is NOT fine in any definition!!

So, drunken phone call proceeds...

"...I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do when she kissed me, or who to tell"

"Not me, at 2:30 in the morning. Seriously, I couldn't give a crap [not totally true] about the snogging I just don't want to be told, especially in the middle of the night."

"Ok. Well I'm sorry and I'll still see you tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, whatever. Just speak to you then." I was pretty furious.

I couldn't be overly furious, however, as he was aware I had had a pretty drunken snog the night before with a complete random. But I was furious that he thought it was ok to text me and tell me...why would I want to know when he was the guy I'm sleeping with??

I feel like I set myself up for this one because I was the one that was really scared he was getting serious.

I wish this was true. I was afraid of having all these horrid jealous, desperate to want to talk to the person you really fancy feelings. I despise them because they're so painful.

He came back Tuesday, glum look on his face and trying to make it up to me with a Curry and a Disney film. It worked.

Now (Wednesday), it would seem that this girl likes him and he still likes her. But his dilemma (ha!) is he likes both of us. Brilliant.

In response to this initially I told him fine.

Then, whilst walking home, the Manchester wind in my hair and The Futureheads playing in my ears I came to my senses and sent him an ass-kicking email.

Which basically went: I think you're brilliant but don't think I'm secure enough to not care about you sleeping with other girls. Hope you understand.

It was, of course, much wordier. In reply he said he was gutted and that he thought I was beautiful but more importantly, beautifully weird. But understood, even though I shouldn't feel like that.

So, feeling good I went out to a Disco night. Music: awesome. Friend snogging a boy: not so awesome, in fact, very lonely with random men trying it on. I just wanted to snogged my boy. No credit, couldn't a tipsy message - good!!

However, we're speaking today and I felt I didn't want to give him up so easily. BUT, I've realised tonight that while he is awesome, he can't be quite so awesome if he likes two girls - that's just greedy!! And also, this other girl knows he's seeing me but isn't bothered. Apparently, and I quote, "[she's] a big girl" and so can look after herself.

Erm, well wherever she is she clearly has no self respect because I'm out of there. She can have him.

No matter how brilliant he is, and he really is coz if he wasn't I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest, I won't share.

I don't want to be second best, or be jealous and turn all psychotic, it's just not me.

I'm just going to continue to be beautifully weird.

All mouth and no trousers

So, almost two whole weeks into falling-down-the-stairs-and-fracturing-my-elbow-incident and I'm quite ready to never go back to work!!

I have managed to keep myself busy with checking my Facebook a million times a day though!! Wow, what an interesting life I do lead!! In amongst the ridiculous Facebook stalking of all the friends I have, some of which I don't think even spoke to me in high school, I have managed to pick up a boy.

Yes, a boy!!

Now, I've known this boy for over 6 years through, oddly enough, my-first-love boyfriend. He's funny, good looking, sensitive, cocky, charming, attentive and really really cute.

The odd thing is, I haven't seen him for 4 of those years and apparently the last time I saw him we had a very nice drunken snog in a sweaty club full of 17 year olds!! So, how, may you ask, did he get back in contact? Facebook of course!! He saw my status ("just been belly dancing - ah so that's what God gave me a bum and boobs for" - I was clearly asking for trouble) and just happened to email me.

I'm not one to shy away from attention - I am a single girl so sometimes you just like a bit of mild flirting. Mild - woah horsey - it's red hot!! He is doing some serious flirting, and I just can't resist!! So a day turns into 3 and then into a week and he's texting me all day, everyday.

At this point I should probably say that he is also off work after a football injury knee op. So I think, no harm, we're just keeping each other occupied and making one another feel a bit more wanted than we did a week ago. But he starts calling me, everyday. I don't mind, in the slightest. I'm really starting to fancy him. In fact he really turns me on!!

So, when he asks me can he come down when he can drive (he lives over an hour away) I oblige and tell him yes, course, that'd be fun.

Then his friend tells me in a drunken phone call that he told him he's seeing me...

...Erm...don't call me old fashioned but doesn't there have to some kind of human contact before any relationship is started?? I really don't know. Maybe with the world wide web and mobile phones things have changed but I dunno...

Now a little concerned then when he gets here he's going to be all mouth and no trousers. Or rather I'm not going to be this amazing girl he seems to want to tell his mates he's "seeing".

Argh. I don't even want a relationship. Even if it is one that is purely sexual.

I mean after all, you can't really have a f*** buddy who lives over an hour away...that is one hell of a drive for a booty call!!




ps. don't try belly dancing with an injured arm of any kind - it may well work your obliques but it certainly does nothing for your balance!!