Back to the Future

Happy New Year!!

What a start...some boys down and I am moving forward into an even bigger, messier web of my own spinning!!

Riley is terribly serious and photogenic at the same time so I took some gorgeous photos of him and we had a couple of drinks and a bit of a flirt. Gorgeous with a guitar, absolutely gorgeous.

old fuck buddy lived up to his name completely when he drove me back from Lancaster that night. We had fun. I enjoyed it. He was so rough with me, but I totally got into it...maybe a bit much!! Hehe. I like the unexpected though!!

Nate is in New Zealand visiting family and still in touch via email. This is despite me saying I didn't want anything because it was too complicated. This was, however, after he spent an (how to put this) uneventful night in my bed. Hm.

OK, and lastly but not leastly, is Mr Sheffield. Yes, he is back in my ridiculous Black Widow web. Mr Sheffield and I have been broken up for around 2 months now and haven't seen each other since. Or hadn't until today. 

Every car that drove down my cul-de-sac my heart raced. So when I heard the doorbell go, my palms were sweaty and my mouth dry. There he stood in all his gorgeous glory; still just as handsome as I remembered. Taller, but handsome. 

He held me close for a few seconds and I let go to rush for my 15th wee of the morning.

Off we tootled to Didsbury, the place we first met (on his suggestion). It was lovely. He was apologetic for the way he ended it and that he'd hurt me, he flirted and touched and we even shared a lovely on-the-door-step-kiss; but nothing has changed. He still lives over the Pennines with his parentals. So I don't see how anything could have changed for him. He was the one who couldn't cope not seeing me and living over there whilst I was here. I was quite happy to have space and then when we met up, for it to be lots of fun and so relaxed.

 I still like Mr Sheffield a lot. I was hoping that today I could wrap up what we had and put it to rest. Or at least either confirm I would fight for him or push me away. It has done nothing.

He says the reason behind him coming over is that I am not in his past. But then where do we go from here? Where do I put him? I am even more confused than I was nervous this morning. 

I have been talking about getting a big red Sharpie pen out and drawing a line underneath it, but I don't want to. I want to be with him. All the others seem meaningless compared to him. I know Riley is lovely, but really, I want Mr Sheffield. 

Thing is, it's kind of obvious Mr Sheffield isn't ready for me or a long distance thing. Maybe I should just lay off the web of men for a while and concentrate on something other than them. Because, quite frankly, it's giving me a bit of a headache!!

Any suggestions will be taken quite seriously at this point :)

An Orgy of Choice

In my previous blog it was all about Julian and his very lovely rugby bottom...tehe. 

Firstly, let's turn our eyes to my Cockney Copper (contestant 1). 


He's lovely and thoughtful, and drove 4 hours North just to chat and watch films and be in my company. Yes, it may well have resulted in having, in what can only be described as, a rather inexperienced roll around but it was the thought that counted. The last time I saw him he was a lot slimmer, and had a lot more confidence. 


OK, so he has bulked out a bit (as a woman who expects men to be enamoured with me, size 0 or 20 I should not judge) and he doesn't hold his head as highly...he still makes me laugh, a lot. But there just isn't as much chemistry there as I remember. Maybe it was just my 18 year old self wanting there to be, or maybe I was just comparing him to Julian far too much (hard not to, when he completely blew me away)!! 


Overall, we had a great evening, and then next day, eating my legendary chilli and catching up. Potential for more...watch this space. 


Now, on to my Stalker (contestant 3). This guy had shown some potential to be a bit of naughty fun...turns out he is what I would like to consider a sex addict!! Stalkers' stalker like tendencies had calmed down a bit as I gave him a bit of the old cold shoulder after I'd told him straight he needed to pipe down if he wanted even a sniff of a rendezvous. Thankfully, he did...but to be honest he turned out to be a bit dull without the naughtiness. 


Anywho, I was out for a VERY drunken night with my girls last Saturday when he called me. He was on his way back from a day trip to France with his school (and yes, he is a teacher there, not a pupil). The long and short of it all is that he ended up picking me and Keira after she'd had suffered some major drama with her live-in girlfriend Rae about smoking a cigarette. 


He ended up back at mine and naughty self came back out of the box...now this guy was pretty good with his hands but there was nothing else to write home about. And without sounding too crass, all he wanted to do was to "get his end away". I'm pretty sure there is also somewhere that says you shouldn't sleep with your stalker. Well, why has no one shown me this?! He text me 5 times last night because I hadn't replied and rang me 3 times during the night!! 


I don't half know how to pick 'em, do I?! 


Needless to say, I don't think that I'm going to see him again...not for his want of trying though!!


And what about the rest of the rabble I hear you cry...




...Well, there's my friend Tim, from Lancaster, who told me he loved me over text on a drunken night but then repeated it again whilst sober the next day. 


Then there's a friend of a friend, Riley, who plays guitar beautifully and I am supposedly going to see tomorrow, also in Lancaster. Twist here is that he works with Tim and was sat next to him on the above said drunken night when he also said he fancied me. Great. 


Thirdly, again in Lancaster, is old fuck buddy. He is supposedly bringing me home from my Lancaster adventure on Wednesday...


And finally, yes there is another, is Nate. A 40 year old pilot whom I work with. He has 5 kids and is currently going through a divorce as well as a break up from a girlfriend he had during, and post, marriage. Two words: messy and baggage. I think I need to stay well clear. 


Oh, and there was sadly not a reappearance of Julian this weekend as he has got himself a girlfriend...fast mover hey?! 


If you can keep up with the above, I am going to be very impressed, because I cannot. And more than a few are going to have to go. Julian is naturally out, Stalker definitely is and I reckon Nate probably should be as well. 


What on earth have I got myself into?! 


I shall update you on the three Lancaster lads when I come back later in the week.


Until then, Alice has definitely fallen through the looking glass...










ps. the Mad Hatter's Birthday Tea Party for my big sister went excellently!! I was a huge success!! Maybe I should be a party planner. 

Three Men, a Lady and a Highland Cattle Card

It would seem that one can have too much of a good thing...men!!

I have managed over the last month to gain, and lose, and gain again, precisely 3 men.

1. Old friend turned fuck buddy.

2. Blue eyes (drunken snog plus lots of texting)

3. My best friend and ex boyfriend

Ok, so number 1. Well it would seem I have gained our very sexual relationship back again...not sure why. He's not seeing this other girl but it seems fun. However, won't be overly bothered if we lose it again.

Number 2. Very drunken snog turned into a date (supposedly tonight) but when I ran into him on Saturday night whilst out with my brothers, never a good combination, turns out I have too much baggage for one week (my big brother got kicked out of a bar and so the rest follows...) and so he cancelled our date. I didn't want a full blown relationship, I just wanted to snog him again! Ha, oh well.

Then, finally, number 3. Not much I can say, other than that I need to stop making out with him if we are to make any move towards the good old friendship zone. I just can't help it. It's so comfortable. But I know we'll end up with broken hearts again.

Oddly enough, throughout all of this gaining and losing, gaining and losing, I realised I don't really want any of them. I want my far away boy who, thanks to my 19 year old brother have noticed I am actually in love with.

I think about him everyday and have been chasing boys I don't particular want as I want a distraction.

What's my plan of action I hear you cry??

I have written him a card with a highland cattle on the front (don't want any lovey dovey stuff) which, quite simply, tells him I'm in love with him. Don't know whether I'll even get a response, but I need to get it off my chest because I'm too much of a romantic just to walk away...even if it has been 6 weeks since we spoke.

Wish me luck at my last ditch attempt to get back the boy I actually want!! I'm not holding out much hope, but there is a little tiny glimmer there...

...if all else fails I might just get a puppy!!!