Back to the Future

Happy New Year!!

What a start...some boys down and I am moving forward into an even bigger, messier web of my own spinning!!

Riley is terribly serious and photogenic at the same time so I took some gorgeous photos of him and we had a couple of drinks and a bit of a flirt. Gorgeous with a guitar, absolutely gorgeous.

old fuck buddy lived up to his name completely when he drove me back from Lancaster that night. We had fun. I enjoyed it. He was so rough with me, but I totally got into it...maybe a bit much!! Hehe. I like the unexpected though!!

Nate is in New Zealand visiting family and still in touch via email. This is despite me saying I didn't want anything because it was too complicated. This was, however, after he spent an (how to put this) uneventful night in my bed. Hm.

OK, and lastly but not leastly, is Mr Sheffield. Yes, he is back in my ridiculous Black Widow web. Mr Sheffield and I have been broken up for around 2 months now and haven't seen each other since. Or hadn't until today. 

Every car that drove down my cul-de-sac my heart raced. So when I heard the doorbell go, my palms were sweaty and my mouth dry. There he stood in all his gorgeous glory; still just as handsome as I remembered. Taller, but handsome. 

He held me close for a few seconds and I let go to rush for my 15th wee of the morning.

Off we tootled to Didsbury, the place we first met (on his suggestion). It was lovely. He was apologetic for the way he ended it and that he'd hurt me, he flirted and touched and we even shared a lovely on-the-door-step-kiss; but nothing has changed. He still lives over the Pennines with his parentals. So I don't see how anything could have changed for him. He was the one who couldn't cope not seeing me and living over there whilst I was here. I was quite happy to have space and then when we met up, for it to be lots of fun and so relaxed.

 I still like Mr Sheffield a lot. I was hoping that today I could wrap up what we had and put it to rest. Or at least either confirm I would fight for him or push me away. It has done nothing.

He says the reason behind him coming over is that I am not in his past. But then where do we go from here? Where do I put him? I am even more confused than I was nervous this morning. 

I have been talking about getting a big red Sharpie pen out and drawing a line underneath it, but I don't want to. I want to be with him. All the others seem meaningless compared to him. I know Riley is lovely, but really, I want Mr Sheffield. 

Thing is, it's kind of obvious Mr Sheffield isn't ready for me or a long distance thing. Maybe I should just lay off the web of men for a while and concentrate on something other than them. Because, quite frankly, it's giving me a bit of a headache!!

Any suggestions will be taken quite seriously at this point :)

May I present Upsidedowngirl

So, here we are...2010.

I'm guessing that most people who start blogs in the New Year do so as a New Years resolution; not me! No, I've decided to start this blog because the thought just popped into my head whilst mulling over my life in the shower. I've been ill over New Year so I didn't go out and party like a 22 year old should, no I spent it watching Batman, drinking champagne and dancing in my front room to Jools Holland's Hootanany with my friend Luke and his son Ivan, well Ivan had milk and I polished off the champers!! So, a quiet way to bring in the New Year and this has continued as I have been confined to my warm little house due to my bad chest.

My life seems to have become, like others I'm sure, in this recession a little mundane and monotonous to say the least. Well in terms of work anyway. I did do a degree but it involved children, psychology and sociology and there seems to be nothing of interest to me out there at the moment...and so I am stuck working as a dispenser in a pharmacy in a working class town in the North of England. This may seem like an odd career path, considering my degree, but this is out of necessity not want - plus I've worked in pharmacy since I was 15. The daily grind of working in a pharmacy is, however, a little out of the ordinary. People often have misconceptions about pharmacy staff, with the job itself being described as being "a nice little job". This makes me laugh. A normal day involves: someone who NEVER stops talking to them-self, a melodramatic teenager who's pregnant and has everything wrong with her in the world, and a woman who is a little, to say the least, obsessed with cleaning the doors and walls with cream cleaner and a scourer!! And that's just the staff...can you imagine what the patients are like?!

My family are spread here there and everywhere but my nearest and dearest live in the wilds of Southern Scotland. It really is beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. Santa brought me wellie boots this year which meant I made full use of the 2 foot of snow that fell over two days!! London do not know what snow is...saying that I suppose those in Canada would think the same about us :)

I hardly had the most conventional upbringing like some of my friends, but I don't think there is anything conventional anymore. But with 4 kids and 6 animals running around a house things can get a little crazy to say the least. My Mum and Dad started out as being very different people but have slowly started to blend over the 25 years they have been together. I, luckily, have the best of both. Where as my younger brother seems to struggle with the fireyness of my Dad and the lack of communication from my Mum. My Dad was an original hippy who went out to Australia with only his tool bag aged 19 whilst my Mum set her sights on a British colony where she went to teach. So, you see both my parents have a sense of adventure in them which I believe is what is also instilled in me and my siblings. I am very close to my family and I talk to them almost every day, without them I would be lost. But saying that, more than 3 days in the family home and I just want some peace and quiet. Ha.

Back to the reason I'm writing this thing...I need some sort of output where I can be a little be creative whilst getting things out in the open about the crazy people I meet and the mad places I go. But also because I have been holed up in this house for what seems an eternity, and have only just got dressed for the first time since the 30th of December...(yes I even wore my PJs for the counting down to a new decade), I felt I needed to focus on something as I felt a little upside down...

I have severe itchy feet, and no not because of some fungal infection, but because I am dying to travel!! I lived and worked, for a few months, in Madrid but it wasn't quite enough. I want adventure, and while Madrid was an awesomely exciting city but I was working 7 days a week and was exhausted. I met some amazing people out there - New Yorkers, English, Australian and of course Madrilenos. It was quite something...but I was tired and broke especially after visiting my then boyfriend in Vienna and Budapest. So I called it a day and came back to rainy Blighty.

However, those itchy feet still remain. I am planning on getting out sooner rather than later and my chosen destination is: India and South East Asia. Don't ask me why but I hold India up as being such a beautiful place of contrasting colours and it fascinates me. So, my plan is to be out of here for October or November next year...but I have had these plans before and they often backfire on me. I may just end up being an au pair again in Australia or something. I don't know!! I wouldn't put it past me anyway!!

So, in the mean time whilst I am attempting to save and leave this place I call home, I need some activities to do. This is where I thought I know I'll do Yoga for my body and mind and join a book club. So, I am!! Yoga will obviously have to hold off until my chest infection clears up but I am all set for the book club...however that doesn't kick off until Feb. Plenty of time to get the book and read it...which, by the way is "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Steig Larsson. I hope my local library has it...But in the mean time I'll finish my book by Peter Carey - "Theft: A Love Story".

But I am making my debut back into normal society tonight with my friend Jenna. We're going for a few drinks and to swap Christmas pressies (late, I know) in a place where everyone thinks they're uber cool...we shall see!! So, I shall wish myself Buenos Suertes for tonight and go take my antibiotics!!