Beautifully Weird

So...the boy I picked up.

Well, turns out we had the most awesome laughter and sex filled weekend ever!! We watched films snuggled up and we had neighbour-complaint worthy sex and lots of pillow talk...sounds pretty good huh?

Fat chance.

He came over Sunday: awesome!! Monday: he traveled to his friend's party in Sheffield. Monday 2:30am (bear in mind I haven't been sleeping because of the elbow): I just snogged my friend's sister - like 20 times. WHAT?!

So, OK we're only just seeing each other. Therefore, in my books anyway, a drunken snog is fine. However, texting the person you are seeing that you just snogged someone (which apparently you have fancied for years) at 2:30 in the morning is NOT fine in any definition!!

So, drunken phone call proceeds...

"...I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do when she kissed me, or who to tell"

"Not me, at 2:30 in the morning. Seriously, I couldn't give a crap [not totally true] about the snogging I just don't want to be told, especially in the middle of the night."

"Ok. Well I'm sorry and I'll still see you tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, whatever. Just speak to you then." I was pretty furious.

I couldn't be overly furious, however, as he was aware I had had a pretty drunken snog the night before with a complete random. But I was furious that he thought it was ok to text me and tell me...why would I want to know when he was the guy I'm sleeping with??

I feel like I set myself up for this one because I was the one that was really scared he was getting serious.

I wish this was true. I was afraid of having all these horrid jealous, desperate to want to talk to the person you really fancy feelings. I despise them because they're so painful.

He came back Tuesday, glum look on his face and trying to make it up to me with a Curry and a Disney film. It worked.

Now (Wednesday), it would seem that this girl likes him and he still likes her. But his dilemma (ha!) is he likes both of us. Brilliant.

In response to this initially I told him fine.

Then, whilst walking home, the Manchester wind in my hair and The Futureheads playing in my ears I came to my senses and sent him an ass-kicking email.

Which basically went: I think you're brilliant but don't think I'm secure enough to not care about you sleeping with other girls. Hope you understand.

It was, of course, much wordier. In reply he said he was gutted and that he thought I was beautiful but more importantly, beautifully weird. But understood, even though I shouldn't feel like that.

So, feeling good I went out to a Disco night. Music: awesome. Friend snogging a boy: not so awesome, in fact, very lonely with random men trying it on. I just wanted to snogged my boy. No credit, couldn't a tipsy message - good!!

However, we're speaking today and I felt I didn't want to give him up so easily. BUT, I've realised tonight that while he is awesome, he can't be quite so awesome if he likes two girls - that's just greedy!! And also, this other girl knows he's seeing me but isn't bothered. Apparently, and I quote, "[she's] a big girl" and so can look after herself.

Erm, well wherever she is she clearly has no self respect because I'm out of there. She can have him.

No matter how brilliant he is, and he really is coz if he wasn't I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest, I won't share.

I don't want to be second best, or be jealous and turn all psychotic, it's just not me.

I'm just going to continue to be beautifully weird.