Through the Looking Glass

I'm organising my sisters' birthday party on the 18th of December. I'm doing a Mad Hatter's Tea Party with her starring as the Mad Hatter.

I'm going as Alice and right now I feel like I have fallen through the looking glass. 

How things have turned on their head since I last blogged. 


Short story: Mr Sheffield and I have broken up. He couldn't cope not seeing me; by his facebook statues "painting the town red" making me feel like UTTER shit.


It hurts a lot right now. And is compounded entirely by the fact that I have sore boobs and have a bad case of PMT. 


I was being all strong by getting on with it and being "well at least I can go travelling now, without feeling guilty". But today, I want to curl up in a ball and sob my little heart out. 


I will, at some point probably go into great detail of how all of this occurred, but right now I just want to wallow and be pissed off. 


All his music is on my phone and computer; all the memories (whilst awesome) still very fresh; and I still have his hoody and some of his socks. 


My girl friends keep telling me he's handled it like a shit, my boy mates telling me it was the 3 month turning point. Whatever.


For me, having a boyfriend doesn't usually last this short amount of time. So it came like a rug being pulled from under me. I'm not used to committing unless I think it is something that I think will last, so this is all new to me. 


No idea how to handle this. 


How I have done so far: smoked almost 30 Richmond Menthol in less than a week (I don't actually smoke, so I don't know where this has come from), go to Lancaster to stay with friends, and go on a long walk and have to avoid a kiss (only because it's still so fresh) with my friend and old fuck buddy. 


Any other ideas on how I can make this little heart of mine feel any better would be muchly appreciated.


OK, rant over. 


Got to stop the smoking, it's the dirtiest habit of all time (well maybe not quite, but close) and need to focus on spending time with my friends as much as possible. 


Positive positive positive.


This will stop hurting soon, I know because I've been through much more. 

"Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?!"

You enjoy my singing?! You're going to have the song in your head all day!!


So, 3 months in and my romance with Mr Sheffield is going awesomely. He has continued to make me laugh every day (and scream louder than ever!!) and make me fall head over heels for him :)


But I guess now I am with him, it has made me ask myself why I stayed with someone for so long that made me so unhappy. And also why we go for the wrong people, time and time again. 


Take, Rugby Boy. Him and I were "seeing" each other when the ex-boyfriend decided to tell me one Valentine's that I wasn't actually his girlfriend. Rugby Boy and I hooked up a week later on a joint social. I knew his rep wasn't the best, turned out to be worse than expected too as he'd slept with a crazy amount of both girls and guys. Despite this, I went back several times. Worse still, I ended up back with the ex-boyfriend. But who was the better of the two? I mean, yes, Rugby Boy did have an awful rep but we had fun. With ex-b, it was nearly always heart break central. On reflection then, I went back to the bad. 


Then there's my friend Lexie. She has a major thing for pilots. Now, don't get me wrong, some pilots are lovely and down to earth, but for the majority they know everyone's checking them out and they bask in every eyelash fluttering. This spells bad news right away!!


When I met Lexie she was totally in love (and in denial about it) with Mr Pilot. He, however, had other ideas. With some serious support she managed to walk away after 18 long months. But now, after 6 months of being good, she's back to square one. And yet again, he has a girlfriend. Oh did I not mention that? Yeah he always has a girlfriend, therefore Lexie is always the other woman. Not my cup of tea but some women don't mind playing second fiddle. That's besides the point. She still keeps going back - but why?


I mean, Far Away Boy - I knew how screwed up he was but I just kept going there. 


And take my friend Jack: he keeps sleeping with his ex because she sends him dirty picture messages whilst he's on his way to pick up his 2 year old!! This is despite her seeing someone else, and telling him in great colour and animation every detail of their relationship!!


I mean, men and women, we always go back to the ones we know are bad. 


Is this because it's comfortable, even though we know it will mean hurt and heart break? Is one night of passion worth all the shit that comes afterwards? 
Is there a rush because you know it's bad? Does it make the sex better? Or are we all just a bit bad deep down? 


The only thing I know is, it doesn't matter how hard you try, you will just keep going back until you find someone to move on with. I guess even then, you end up reminiscing.