I am so angry.
At first I thought I was angry with him for being in contact, and so comfortably saying "Hi Gorgeous". No.
I'm angry at myself for letting him make me feel like this.
He is the boy who whipped the carpet from under me.
Argh.
I want to scream.
And to counteract how I feel I thought it'd be a good idea to go out on a date tonight, what was I thinking?! Well, I was thinking, distraction. But I reckon the fact that he facebooked me to "catch up" and quite happily slip into conversation that he is in Manchester today has not helped!!
I feel sorry for the guy I am going out with. He seems like a genuine guy whom I have a lot in common with.
I feel like such a wreck.
It's like I've let myself down feeling like this. I don't think it helps either that the guy I have been dating, London Boy, is as it says is moving to London and I just don't have the energy to be pursuing anyone moving away.
I recently wrote a card to my Dad with a poem in it about Dave, it is how we've been communicating and connecting through his ever stranger separation from my Mum. I said to him it's not how I felt now, but I did, and that I am so glad I don't feel like this any more. I told him that although it's nothing like how he feels at this moment in time, but that using my writing helped me to express how I felt.
Anyway, here's the poem:
Blindly I Walk
I reached out –
Stumbling in the dark for something,
Someone.
I clutch at unknowns, and
Pull back at the shock when I realise,
I am all
Alone.
Confused still, at his departure from my life.
I try to move past the
short time I spent in his arms.
Instead, I merely skirt round
the edges of reason
Seeking company with
strangers.
All I find is Solitude
OK, I've just got a text informing me that my date will be here in 10 minutes so I better go brush my teeth and put the last touches upon myself!!
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