Beautifully Weird

So...the boy I picked up.

Well, turns out we had the most awesome laughter and sex filled weekend ever!! We watched films snuggled up and we had neighbour-complaint worthy sex and lots of pillow talk...sounds pretty good huh?

Fat chance.

He came over Sunday: awesome!! Monday: he traveled to his friend's party in Sheffield. Monday 2:30am (bear in mind I haven't been sleeping because of the elbow): I just snogged my friend's sister - like 20 times. WHAT?!

So, OK we're only just seeing each other. Therefore, in my books anyway, a drunken snog is fine. However, texting the person you are seeing that you just snogged someone (which apparently you have fancied for years) at 2:30 in the morning is NOT fine in any definition!!

So, drunken phone call proceeds...

"...I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do when she kissed me, or who to tell"

"Not me, at 2:30 in the morning. Seriously, I couldn't give a crap [not totally true] about the snogging I just don't want to be told, especially in the middle of the night."

"Ok. Well I'm sorry and I'll still see you tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, whatever. Just speak to you then." I was pretty furious.

I couldn't be overly furious, however, as he was aware I had had a pretty drunken snog the night before with a complete random. But I was furious that he thought it was ok to text me and tell me...why would I want to know when he was the guy I'm sleeping with??

I feel like I set myself up for this one because I was the one that was really scared he was getting serious.

I wish this was true. I was afraid of having all these horrid jealous, desperate to want to talk to the person you really fancy feelings. I despise them because they're so painful.

He came back Tuesday, glum look on his face and trying to make it up to me with a Curry and a Disney film. It worked.

Now (Wednesday), it would seem that this girl likes him and he still likes her. But his dilemma (ha!) is he likes both of us. Brilliant.

In response to this initially I told him fine.

Then, whilst walking home, the Manchester wind in my hair and The Futureheads playing in my ears I came to my senses and sent him an ass-kicking email.

Which basically went: I think you're brilliant but don't think I'm secure enough to not care about you sleeping with other girls. Hope you understand.

It was, of course, much wordier. In reply he said he was gutted and that he thought I was beautiful but more importantly, beautifully weird. But understood, even though I shouldn't feel like that.

So, feeling good I went out to a Disco night. Music: awesome. Friend snogging a boy: not so awesome, in fact, very lonely with random men trying it on. I just wanted to snogged my boy. No credit, couldn't a tipsy message - good!!

However, we're speaking today and I felt I didn't want to give him up so easily. BUT, I've realised tonight that while he is awesome, he can't be quite so awesome if he likes two girls - that's just greedy!! And also, this other girl knows he's seeing me but isn't bothered. Apparently, and I quote, "[she's] a big girl" and so can look after herself.

Erm, well wherever she is she clearly has no self respect because I'm out of there. She can have him.

No matter how brilliant he is, and he really is coz if he wasn't I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest, I won't share.

I don't want to be second best, or be jealous and turn all psychotic, it's just not me.

I'm just going to continue to be beautifully weird.

All mouth and no trousers

So, almost two whole weeks into falling-down-the-stairs-and-fracturing-my-elbow-incident and I'm quite ready to never go back to work!!

I have managed to keep myself busy with checking my Facebook a million times a day though!! Wow, what an interesting life I do lead!! In amongst the ridiculous Facebook stalking of all the friends I have, some of which I don't think even spoke to me in high school, I have managed to pick up a boy.

Yes, a boy!!

Now, I've known this boy for over 6 years through, oddly enough, my-first-love boyfriend. He's funny, good looking, sensitive, cocky, charming, attentive and really really cute.

The odd thing is, I haven't seen him for 4 of those years and apparently the last time I saw him we had a very nice drunken snog in a sweaty club full of 17 year olds!! So, how, may you ask, did he get back in contact? Facebook of course!! He saw my status ("just been belly dancing - ah so that's what God gave me a bum and boobs for" - I was clearly asking for trouble) and just happened to email me.

I'm not one to shy away from attention - I am a single girl so sometimes you just like a bit of mild flirting. Mild - woah horsey - it's red hot!! He is doing some serious flirting, and I just can't resist!! So a day turns into 3 and then into a week and he's texting me all day, everyday.

At this point I should probably say that he is also off work after a football injury knee op. So I think, no harm, we're just keeping each other occupied and making one another feel a bit more wanted than we did a week ago. But he starts calling me, everyday. I don't mind, in the slightest. I'm really starting to fancy him. In fact he really turns me on!!

So, when he asks me can he come down when he can drive (he lives over an hour away) I oblige and tell him yes, course, that'd be fun.

Then his friend tells me in a drunken phone call that he told him he's seeing me...

...Erm...don't call me old fashioned but doesn't there have to some kind of human contact before any relationship is started?? I really don't know. Maybe with the world wide web and mobile phones things have changed but I dunno...

Now a little concerned then when he gets here he's going to be all mouth and no trousers. Or rather I'm not going to be this amazing girl he seems to want to tell his mates he's "seeing".

Argh. I don't even want a relationship. Even if it is one that is purely sexual.

I mean after all, you can't really have a f*** buddy who lives over an hour away...that is one hell of a drive for a booty call!!




ps. don't try belly dancing with an injured arm of any kind - it may well work your obliques but it certainly does nothing for your balance!!

One Hand Salute

So, it would seem that the drama snowball, excuse the pun, from 2009 is continuing its roll into 2010!! With no staff all week I've been run off my feet, just like most. But when you work in a pharmacy, a lack of staff and even pharmacists means utter chaos.

Now, I regularly go without lunch but three days in a row of 9 hour shifts and no break for one is illegal but mainly two, it is exhausting. So, it is no wonder that on Thursday at around 3.30pm with a cup of green tea in one hand and my mind pondering the fact that I hadn't put any mascara on for 3 days I slipped down a full flight of stairs and ended up at sat at the bottom.

My colleagues rushed to me and checked me out,insisting I go to A&E as I was white as a sheet and in pain. However,my primary concern was that I'd smashed my cup that I had somehow thrown in the air, along with the Fisherman's Friend, showered myself with green tea and somehow broken my fall on the teabag. How it never hit me on the head or worse still how I never fell behind the door and flat on my face I will never know. I must have a guardian angel somewhere.

I ended up in a taxi on my way to A&E with my multi coloured scarf as a sling. This was after my supervisor, and dear friend, Natasha had informed the cluster lead who said she could really do without this. Ha. So could I!

I went straight through for an x-ray as the local GP gave me a note. The grumbles of the radiographers didn't sound so good; it looked like a fracture. Great. I went back to wait in A&E with people throwing up everywhere. A&E is always an interesting place to be on an afternoon. I tried to figure out what was wrong with everyone as no one, except for one lad hopping round on crutches had anything outwardly wrong with them. Luckily Natasha turned up before I started playing doctors and nurses too in depth.

A jolly male nurse called me in, made notes and decided that after discussing it with the orthopedic guy I was fine. Just keep it moving. So, as I skipped out of the room to tell Natasha the good news I was happy as Larry. Too happy too soon. I was called back in to see three hospital staff, including head of radiography, standing round my x-ray smiling sheepishly. They changed their minds. What?! I looked at the screen and couldn't see anything apart from awful bingo wings and skinny white bone, but I suppose that's why I'm not a radiographer.

My dignity was about to be taken away as I took all my tops off including my bra strap and let the male nurse fit my cuff and collar. Several things went through my mind at this point: 1. must never ever wear this awful greying white bra anywhere again; 2. oh Lord how weird am I going to look with one 34ff breast in a cup and one out; and finally 3. thank God this guy isn't hot!!

So, I took my fractured head of radius and bruised bum out of A&E with my multi coloured scarf now working to cover my modesty in -12 degree conditions.

With this post, I therefore have become one handed and give a one handed salute to my pharmaceutical giant of company.

Good luck in the no win no fee malarkey!!

Blue Tights and Lust

Lesson 1: Do not put your electric blue tights into the dryer if you want to be able to fit into them the day after. Lesson 2: Use everyday happenings as inspiration to move forward.

I don't usually do horoscopes but this was mine in today's Metro...

Leo Jul 24 - Aug 23 You're being flirted with, and you haven't even noticed. Stop thinking of what could have been and start focusing on what can be. It's the only way you'll find your way out of recent limitations.

...Now I know you can apply nearly ALL horoscopes to your life and this one seems pretty typical for any New Year Leo or any star sign for that matter!! But I have recently slipped out of a strange little fling and I'm finding it more than difficult to kind of move past it. I'll explain a little...

All girls have that boy they've known for years where there's always flirtation and even romance; my boy is Ollie. My mum and his have been friends since they were 21, she's my "auntie" and we have grown up with our mum's planning our wedding since I was born. We've had plenty of summer romances ( he lives 2000 miles away in that same British colony my mum used to teach in) but this year he came over to visit me for a week post-break up from my uni boyfriend (Ben, but that's for another day). To be brief: he treated me like a princess and sent more than just shivers up and down my spine every time we fucked. In my book, these kinds of men don't come along very often and when they do you tend to put both feet in their metaphorical cozy bucket of red hot water. As this was post-break up for me, I realised putting both feet in would be silly so I just dipped a few toes and enjoyed the wining and dining and more than anything - the amazing orgasms.

However, on the last Sunday we had together we cooked a big Sunday dinner for us and my flatmate Annie. Now, I've never really ever noticed falling in love before because the times before I've always been the one hearing it first and then saying it. So, when he was pouring the juices over the chicken (not the most romantic moment ever, I know) my heart went crazy with those fluttery things that happen. Those of you out there who are sensible and have been in love and LUST before will know that a man, or woman, that makes your heart flutter doesn't mean that you're in love.

What follows just baffles me, and I put that down to being just 22 and having only 2 serious relationships up to now (that's not counting the one night stands at uni or the flirtations for a few weeks). So what follows you're asking? Well, he went back home and back to being a policeman (there's just something SO right about being naughty when he was in his uniform) he got lost in family things and back onto night shifts and no sleep. All of this I can understand. It all kicked off when I phoned him drunk one night when it was so cold and icey I couldn't feel my face. Ok, this was at 4:30 in the morning and if he rang me I would be severely pissed off but would automatically forgive and forget, I may be stubborn and firey but I find it easy to move on quickly (normally, anyway!!).

Turns out in the morning he was highly unamused despite my apologies and insistance that I had rung because I missed him so much. Thinking he would get over it by the next day, I gave him his space and just kind of waited (whilst impatiently and obsessively checking my phone and facebook every 3 seconds). When 2 days later I'd heard nothing, I'd had enough and called him. He said he'd needed that space but questioned whether I was going to get pissy every time he needed space and whether that meant, to me, that he wasn't allowed to get angry about anything. At that point I should have said, "No, don't be silly. Let's just move on." But no, I'm stubborn, so I fought my corner. Plus I was Christmas shopping on the 23rd of December and I had to focus!!

Things just went from bad to worse. On Christmas Day, after making the long journey North to Scotland to my parents warm fireside, I called him but dinner was just being served up and he couldn't talk. He sounded pretty stressed so I just wished him Merry Christmas and he promised to call me later. So Boxing Day morning comes and nothing. So I sign on to MSN and to my relief he is online; a chance to chat. No, another argument because I had wanted to talk. Oh dear. When he cut me off I phoned him. I spoke to his mum for a few minutes then he came on. BIG MISTAKE. He just shouted and said that he will never give anything up for me, especially not space, and that was that. He told me that sometimes he might not want to communicate with anyone, not just me, for a whole week. Having a dad who still runs away to Morrocco every now and then to not to speak to anyone, I can understand. But when this boy lives 2000 miles away and the only way we can communicate is mostly on the internet I'm not sure this would work. Ha.

We have not spoken since. I miss him terribly and the thought that I had had put those dreaded two feet in has worried me insanely. But the sense of relief I feel from escaping, and call me what you will, I feel that i am firmly well and truly out of this one! And now I love him, to pieces, but thank God it was just hot firey lust I was feeling and not full on passionate in love-ness.

So, maybe now, I have gotten all of this off my chest to absolutely no one but open for the whole of the world wide web to read I will feel tons better, with the inspiration of my horoscope obviously!! Here's to moving forward with love and learning to dry my electric blue tights manually eh?!

"True colour reflects colour"

My re-emerging into real society was pretty successful last night...if you call copious amounts of Havana rum and dancing to some good old funky town music successful!!

My friend Jenna and I headed for the bright lights of a town where everyone thinks they're Uber cool, and seemingly, all wear wooly hats or scarves...even whilst dancing!! The bars were all dark and lit with red lighting to make sure everyone looked beautiful but the talk was good and so was the people watching.

Don't think bad of us but when me and Jenna are out we use pseudonyms if we meet a particularly awful man or group of men. "Hi I'm Erin and this is my friend Cassandra". Now, last night a particularly smelly 60 something year old decided it would be fun to brush his hands through Jenna's hair; no not brush violently molest her hair. Now this would have been weird enough had he not smelt so awful and then insisted on trying to taste our drinks! This seemed to be our turning point in the night as we got attention from the strangest of the male species that this bar could throw at us. But the strangest came from two girls, who were happily coupled up with each other, when they asked us if we were a couple. Now, Jenna and I have often used this as an excuse to ward off pesky predators, as I'm sure many thousands of other girls have. But not for one second did we ever actually believe that when we're not pretending do we look like a couple!! So baffled were our new friends when we told them no, that they asked us, "What you're not even gay?". I am not offended in the slightest by this because some of my best friends are gay, but they must have really askew gay-dars, either that or me and Jenna need to spend less time together!!

But my favourite part of the night was at the end when we had just finished our obligatory cheesy chips when we bumped into two South African guys who had been pulling some seriously out-there break dancing moves 20 minutes previous. Now, having been a "little" affected by my Havana Club Rum and cokes I told them that their dancing was pretty amazing and that they thoroughly entertained us. They loved this!! But rather than trying to chat us up, they told us that we were throwing some pretty good moves too which led to one of them saying that "True colour reflects colour"...

...take from this what you will but I'm taking it as that me and Jenna should audition for the next Britain's Got Talent and give Diversity a run for their money!!

Watch this space :)

May I present Upsidedowngirl

So, here we are...2010.

I'm guessing that most people who start blogs in the New Year do so as a New Years resolution; not me! No, I've decided to start this blog because the thought just popped into my head whilst mulling over my life in the shower. I've been ill over New Year so I didn't go out and party like a 22 year old should, no I spent it watching Batman, drinking champagne and dancing in my front room to Jools Holland's Hootanany with my friend Luke and his son Ivan, well Ivan had milk and I polished off the champers!! So, a quiet way to bring in the New Year and this has continued as I have been confined to my warm little house due to my bad chest.

My life seems to have become, like others I'm sure, in this recession a little mundane and monotonous to say the least. Well in terms of work anyway. I did do a degree but it involved children, psychology and sociology and there seems to be nothing of interest to me out there at the moment...and so I am stuck working as a dispenser in a pharmacy in a working class town in the North of England. This may seem like an odd career path, considering my degree, but this is out of necessity not want - plus I've worked in pharmacy since I was 15. The daily grind of working in a pharmacy is, however, a little out of the ordinary. People often have misconceptions about pharmacy staff, with the job itself being described as being "a nice little job". This makes me laugh. A normal day involves: someone who NEVER stops talking to them-self, a melodramatic teenager who's pregnant and has everything wrong with her in the world, and a woman who is a little, to say the least, obsessed with cleaning the doors and walls with cream cleaner and a scourer!! And that's just the staff...can you imagine what the patients are like?!

My family are spread here there and everywhere but my nearest and dearest live in the wilds of Southern Scotland. It really is beautiful. Cold, but beautiful. Santa brought me wellie boots this year which meant I made full use of the 2 foot of snow that fell over two days!! London do not know what snow is...saying that I suppose those in Canada would think the same about us :)

I hardly had the most conventional upbringing like some of my friends, but I don't think there is anything conventional anymore. But with 4 kids and 6 animals running around a house things can get a little crazy to say the least. My Mum and Dad started out as being very different people but have slowly started to blend over the 25 years they have been together. I, luckily, have the best of both. Where as my younger brother seems to struggle with the fireyness of my Dad and the lack of communication from my Mum. My Dad was an original hippy who went out to Australia with only his tool bag aged 19 whilst my Mum set her sights on a British colony where she went to teach. So, you see both my parents have a sense of adventure in them which I believe is what is also instilled in me and my siblings. I am very close to my family and I talk to them almost every day, without them I would be lost. But saying that, more than 3 days in the family home and I just want some peace and quiet. Ha.

Back to the reason I'm writing this thing...I need some sort of output where I can be a little be creative whilst getting things out in the open about the crazy people I meet and the mad places I go. But also because I have been holed up in this house for what seems an eternity, and have only just got dressed for the first time since the 30th of December...(yes I even wore my PJs for the counting down to a new decade), I felt I needed to focus on something as I felt a little upside down...

I have severe itchy feet, and no not because of some fungal infection, but because I am dying to travel!! I lived and worked, for a few months, in Madrid but it wasn't quite enough. I want adventure, and while Madrid was an awesomely exciting city but I was working 7 days a week and was exhausted. I met some amazing people out there - New Yorkers, English, Australian and of course Madrilenos. It was quite something...but I was tired and broke especially after visiting my then boyfriend in Vienna and Budapest. So I called it a day and came back to rainy Blighty.

However, those itchy feet still remain. I am planning on getting out sooner rather than later and my chosen destination is: India and South East Asia. Don't ask me why but I hold India up as being such a beautiful place of contrasting colours and it fascinates me. So, my plan is to be out of here for October or November next year...but I have had these plans before and they often backfire on me. I may just end up being an au pair again in Australia or something. I don't know!! I wouldn't put it past me anyway!!

So, in the mean time whilst I am attempting to save and leave this place I call home, I need some activities to do. This is where I thought I know I'll do Yoga for my body and mind and join a book club. So, I am!! Yoga will obviously have to hold off until my chest infection clears up but I am all set for the book club...however that doesn't kick off until Feb. Plenty of time to get the book and read it...which, by the way is "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" by Steig Larsson. I hope my local library has it...But in the mean time I'll finish my book by Peter Carey - "Theft: A Love Story".

But I am making my debut back into normal society tonight with my friend Jenna. We're going for a few drinks and to swap Christmas pressies (late, I know) in a place where everyone thinks they're uber cool...we shall see!! So, I shall wish myself Buenos Suertes for tonight and go take my antibiotics!!